Mommies’ Burnout: Should We Blame Hubbies?

As we know, women today live in very different circumstances comparing to women in the past. In the old time, we find that it is hard for married women to go working as career women for it is believed that the obligation of earning money in a family belongs to the husbands’ responsibility while the main responsibility of the wives are to take care of the children, treat their husband well, and do the housework. That is why, to go working out of home for a married woman in that time known as a taboo, even labeled as a way of breaking the society’s norm. In contrary with that, nowadays, we can easily find that many of Indonesian married women work outside as nurses, teachers, secretaries, politicians, police, and so forth. It happens because the gender equality between men and women has been promoted by Raden Ajeng Kartini, one of Indonesian feminists, since 19o4. But then, even though being a married career woman in today’s era is no longer said as a custom breaking, some women face difficulties in balancing the works outside and inside the house. As a result, many of them are not able to take care of the children, treat the husband, and do the housework well by themselves and inevitably, they get stressful. Consequently, a question comes up: Should we blame husbands for the existence of this terrible condition? Here are some explanations on how husbands and wives should do in dealing with this kind of situation.

                Mommies’ burnout is the condition when mothers are both physically and emotionally exhausted. It happens because mother has to do the multitasking job; working outside as a career woman and working inside as a housewife. When a mother works as an employee in a company for instance, she has to get up in the early morning to prepare breakfast for the whole family, wash the dishes and cloths, sweep the floor, take care of the children and help them to prepare any kinds of stuff before going to school, leave for the house to go working, do her duties in the office up to the night, even sometimes, she has to work overtime and arrive at home in the midnight. But it does not mean that after the office hour the task of a mother has completed. Even when she is already too tired and stressful in dealing with her job in the office, she still has to do all the housework including to tidy up the room, mop the floor, cook, feed the kids, help the children to do the homework, fulfill her husband’s sexual need and so forth. Unfortunately, when these tasks are not done well, the one who will be directly blamed is mother. Even when a child has negative behaviors and gets bad grades in school, people will simply say that it is mother who causes the problem due to her inability in managing the works in and out of the house.  

                In contrary with that, a husband gets somewhat more advantageous position rather than a wife. From the very first beginning, we all know that the main responsibility of a husband is to earn money to afford the family’s daily need, health care, children’s education, and so on. Even though we know that to do so is not easy, the situation will be different when both husband and wife work outside. While a wife who works as a career woman has to do all the housework and take care of the children, the same condition won’t happen to the husband. A husband working as an editor for a publishing company for example, will possibly have such routine daily activities like: getting up quite late in the morning, taking a bath, having breakfast prepared by his wife, leaving the house, working in the office, going back home in the late night when the children usually have already slept, and taking a rest. In many other cases in fact, husbands who work at office rarely spend their time to help their wife in doing the housework and give extra time to educate and take care of the children. But then, when the housework are not finished well or when the children misbehave, there will only be a small probability that husbands will be blamed. Why is it so? It is simple, as the main responsibility of a husband is to work; it means that, when a husband has successfully earned money for the whole family, the job is done. Then, another thing like doing the housework won’t be his business as a consequence.

                It is so problematic indeed when we try to find a way for dealing with this kind of situation. We can not prohibit mother to work outside, but in another side, we should not simply put the blame on husband for the existence of the mother’s burnout. That is why; better understanding, communication, and respect might become the best answer to it. A husband for instance, better realize that just because his wife is a woman, does not mean that every single task related to the housework and children will only be the responsibility of hers. He can get up earlier in the morning to help his wife preparing for the breakfast or give more time to take care of the children before they go to school. The wife furthermore, should be aware that she herself who decides to go working outside. That is why, just because she is a career woman, does not mean that she can easily neglect the housework and let the children and husband be abandoned.

                Basically, being a married career woman is the right of each mother. There must be some considerations for her before choosing it. Since she herself who decides, she should be able to balance her work outside and do her nature job inside the house. Also, she better share the job in the house with her husband to avoid being physically and emotionally exhausted.